Do I have to follow my brain or my heart?

Is it true that love comes naturally and we cannot choose who we fall in love with ?

hmm.. when you frequently spend time with someone, you most likely will have a feeling towards that person. Am I right? although it is your best friend, you will have this feeling even it is only a small feeling and sometimes you tend to hide it. So, this might probably true. 

But a question remains...

Should I fall in love with him/her?

The answer is in yours. You have to look deeper to the situation.

A super long time ago, I ever been in such situation when I have to choose whether I have to follow my heart or I have to follow my brain coz logically I should not fall in love. Why? because I was in the position where I entered a certain circumstance which make me love those ppl unconditionally as friends and I will definitely broke this circle. But then the feeling came, and I could not ignore it. I million times think what should I do with it, should I follow my heart and broke them or should I go and let them forget the problems. Do I have to sacrifice my feeling? can I or should I?

The answer is I have to sacrifice my feeling and try not to be selfish by just following my heart without thinking of other people(re: them) I understand that we cannot choose who we fall in love with, but we definitely can control our feeling. And I control my feeling to stop any further huge feeling to him. Although it is hard and hurt to sacrifice my feeling, I have to know my position that they had been so kind to me. Do you think they deserve to be given such thing as a reply of their kindness to me? broke them into pieces? Of course no. Besides, it is so childish that we have to argue about man/woman. Come on there are million people in this world! Then I decided to go with this in mind I might probably hurt, but they are definitely broken. So I follow my brain and left. This is the very great decision that I ever made in my life cz I finally think about other people' feeling and not only from my pov.

In short, it is true that you cannot choose who you love or resist your feeling, but you can definitely control your feeling. Do not make an excuse by saying that you cannot do anything because it's love and it comes naturally. Hell no! You can choose to stay or leave depend on the situation that you think is better for all of you and not only you. It is only a matter of your bravery and sense of feeling as human. Never be afraid that you won't find a person like him/her. Believe me, God will repay ur kindness with someone better :)

My parents do not love me

Ever feel so?

I used to think that way..

We know that family is the people who (supposedly) love you, care of you, and you feel like home when they are around.

Every people always have different kind of family and expectation towards their family. And I.. I always envy my friends' families who travel a lot, who have parents like friends (understand u a lot), who rich, who funny, and so many things.

Sounds great huh? having a perfect family like I stated above?

Does it mean I do not have a perfect family?

hmm let's see..

I can say my family is individualist and people inside (me, my brother, and my parents) are like robots and home is a place for us to take a rest and eat. We have different life, different schedule, and business. We wake up and come back home at different time depend on our schedule bcs we don't have certain habit that require us to be in the same place together. We rarely talk to each other, and even it is possible for me to not meet my father / my brother for 2 or 3 days. Not because they did not come back home, but because we are too busy with our business in our room or my father who is too busy with his jobs that makes him wake up too early and come back home too late. They also rarely angry at me whenever I come back home very late or if my GPA do not meet their expectation.

See the problem in my fam? yes! it's communication.

I never told my life story to my family, especially about my bf because I think they don't care, and if they care I just don't want to add another burden in their heads. Besides, they rarely ask me about my life problems so it's better for me to remain silent because they do not want to hear or simply do not care up until..... I got a problem.

This problem was quiet serious for me and I was asking lot of people advices. Some of the advices said that I should tell my mother because I would feel relieve and feel safe so I could get better sooner. I tried, but yes it sounded like my mother did not care so I did not continue my story and still I feel anxious.. for a long time..

Then I have this guy who helped me a lot. He is my brother's friend, he lives in my house, and I could see that he cares about me that much. Thus, I decided to tell him my unimportant story. I told him my problems, how I turned to be shit, and my communication probs with my fam.

Surprisingly.... He told me something.. something unbelievable.

He told me that my parents really care of me and love me that much.

but.. really?

He said Yes! without me telling them that I am having a problem, They know. They exactly know whenever I have the problems and they did feel my sadness. They never showed it, but he told me that my father always ask my condition and my problems. A simple thing that my brother's friend told me that you guys might probably want to try is.. whenever you are having a problem, see the face changing in your parents. They will.. definitely change their faces because they simply feel sad and feel pity with us, their gold. I tried, and it was real.

It's true that parents are the people who know us well more than anyone else. It's true that love do not have to be shown directly to us, but you actually can feel it. Believe me, if you think your parents do not love you, open your eyes and think again! even you are in the very worst condition, remember that your mother still want to give birth to you and let you alive which mean she loves you. And if you think your family is not perfect, look around and be thankful :) you probably expect something for your family, but be reminded that nobody perfect and be thankful that they love you that's what matters most. Although they do not show it, open your eyes! they actually did but we pretend to be blind because we are focusing ourselves to find the perfection.

be thankful, at least we still have them and ever felt their love in our life :)

Had a worst birthday? Think again!

Everyone must dreams of something special in his or her special day, in this case a birthday. I do hope something special in my birthday, some cool surprise with fancy gift or amazing bday decoration, or even a simple thing like I hope someone who I think special will come or simply text me and give birthday wishes. Last week, I ever think that my birthday which on 30th July would be boring and would not be special at all because last year I literally did nothing and Antoni was in Slovakia for AIESEC at that time, but he called me at 12 pm with roaming credit and selfishly I still hope he would send me something or anything that could make me happier (again... so selfish and I regret myself in doing so)

That thing was actually the reason behind my crazy plan to escape from home to somewhere although I have to travel alone so that I could celebrate my birthday somewhere in nicer place and hope I could just skip my bday faster. But then something bad happened to me and my friend gave me an advice to be good and dutiful to my parents and hope God will heal my problems, then I follow her advice and follow my mom's words to just stay at home. I tried to accept and did not expect anything in my bday. I was surprised because exactly at 12 am on 30 July my family gave me a surprise which they did not do this last year and another years back.

In this point I realize what matters is not the fancy gift or huge balloons, but how you could be thankful of what you've got in ur birthday, in your age now. And from that, I realize I should be thankful to God that still let me experience my 20, and surrounded by people who love me to death. Besides, growing old means a changing of your mindset. This actually the thing that you need to consider in your birthday. Do I really grow mentally? Do I really mature enough in this old age? Do I really need those fancy gifts or bday decoration or stuff?

I remember my brother's birthday. My father was hospitalized when he was having a birthday. He did not have gf and his friends were out of town. Nobody gave him surprises except me and my brother's friend who lives in my house. Sad huh? I look at myself and I realized I was that stupid ever think to escape or expect fancy gift or stupid bday decoration while my brother only expect that my father could get better soon and could celebrate his bday with us in home together as one complete family :")

So try not to be selfish guys.. These are the common cases why you (and I used to think) your bday could probably the worst and hope u could rethink again

1. Nobody gave you a surprise while others are given cool surprise

Hey! surprise is only one of the examples of love's expression, and love can be expressed through many ways. Believe me, bday wishes is also a form of love. If someone does not love you, do you think they probably want to greet you? 

2. Someone who you think special did not greet you and gave you bday wishes 

It's probably sad to think about it, but be reminded that it is only a small part of your world! You still have plenty of people who love you and who you can love!! If in this case it's your family, think positively that they might remember but busy at that time to work FOR YOUR PROSPERITY. 

3. I was sick/ I lost someone I love 

I really hope that you don't experience this, but just don't put a mindset that your birthday which supposedly be beautiful turned to be the worst day in your life. Again, you surrounded by many people who love you and care of you and always be there to support you. Be thankful that in this age, you still be given another age to pray for your lover who for instance already passed away or left you somewhere. Be thankful that you still could experience this beautiful world that many many people couldn't since some are given such a short time to actually experience this beautiful world.

In short, birthday is not something you should celebrate with fancy party and such things, but your birthday should be marked by your maturity. The way you think, the way you build your perspective to see this world and your surrounding. For me, the most important thing is how you could become a better person every year. If you could just at least be thankful of what you've got now (which you actually start to be a better person who could think wisely) you do not actually need number and candle to mark that you are growing old, but your behavior already become the witness that you already step up into more mature world and be a better person through self introspection :)