New page, new problem.

okayyy, let's move from the last page. And start with a new life and new problem (indeed!). Hafffttt my life and problems are like stamps and glue which could never be separated. this heart (supposedly) strong enough to hold any problem. but it's just too hard to hold a problem now. Besides my family problem which is getting bad and hmm.. why boy problem never ends. okey, it's gone, bye and thanks. but this heart.. I cannot lie. I just think too much about him. And when this heart try to balancing those two problems, another problem come. Yes that's the best part. The climax. La la la la la ~ I try not to think too much about another one, but the another one force me to think about it too much. So selfish! 

The another one is about my future, actually the university. The time when i should register for admission of new student is so close. I went to Bandung-jakarta-bandung-jakarta just to take tests for medical school. it took a very big efforts so I hope the result won't let my parents and me down. 

hmm... 

I hope that there is someone who I can lean my shoulder on, I hope it's you, but hm... I know it won't happen. it's okay i handle it by my own. 

Fav quote

stay, rihanna

just listen and feel the lyrics

i belong with you

                                                             "You Belong With Me"

You're on the phone with your girlfriend ‒ she's upset,
She's going off about something that you said
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do.

I'm in the room ‒ it's a typical Tuesday night.
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like.
And she'll never know your story like I do.

But she wears short skirts
I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain
And I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time.

If you could see
That I'm the one
Who understands you.
Been here all along.
So, why can't you see ‒
You belong with me,
You belong with me?

Walking the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be.
Laughing on a park bench thinking to myself,
"Hey, isn't this easy?"

And you've got a smile
That can light up this whole town.
I haven't seen it in awhile
Since she brought you down.

You say you're fine ‒ I know you better than that.
Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?

Oh, I remember you were driving to my house
In the middle of the night.
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're 'bout to cry.
I know your favorite songs,
And you tell me about your dreams.
Think I know where you belong,
Think I know it's with me.
Can't you see
That I'm the one
Who understands you?
Been here all along.
So, why can't you see 
You belong with me?

Standing by and waiting at your backdoor.
All this time how could you not know, baby 

don't you seeeee?? open your eyes, i'm here, always here waiting for you.

worst feeling

heeey karma welcome to my life, this is me with my useless life. Actually you come to the right person. You remind me about lot of things that i shouldn't do in the past. You can destroy my life because what i've done in the past, but please don't push me down too much. 7 days before national exam, i was given a feeling like this. Feeling sad, soo disappointed, broken, pissed off, and so many worst feeling. I want to do something, really want... but i know i can't.
god forgive me :( show me the right and the best way. is it better to leave or stay? :(

Welcome '13

welcome 2013!!!!!!!!! welcome new year!!!!! I'm gonna be seventeen this year! Yuhuuuu...l'm so excited with 2013!!!! Hope hope hope this year will be my year, pass national exam with a good result, pass UNPAD as my future 'PTN' and learn to be the best communication student there! success for the year book!!!!!! have a best seventeen party ever!! and have a best trip with friends this year! Best boyfriend this yearr{} and soo manyyy wishes.....ahhrrggg i'm so excited with this year! let's hope for the best and be strong to handle any problem :") let's control the situations, and don't let the situation controls you! :)

Old post, 2009

What did you feel if you love someone but it goes to waste? when you start to believe that he was  the only one and you will do everything for him, and the whole expectation that you made together just a full of bullshit, and every single things you have done was just nothing to him? Can you imagine how hurt? i've felt more. You love him, and he said he felt that feeling too, but the reality is different. You still can't come together, "force love", "pity", was one of the reason. But those reasons don't make any sense to you. He can and he should did more if he really love you, but he did nothing, he just let you sad and get bad with this condition, the condition where you are forced to always compliant, be patient, and left behind. But you still love him no matter the condition is.

hey sorry.. it's not because i can't move on but i don't want to.. I know i did the same mistakes twice, and this time was the worse. But am i wrong with this feeling? Am i wrong that i'm fall in love with you? :(  oh god, i just want to love and be loved :(